life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
