I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
