I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
