you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
