One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
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