Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Randomize
