She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
