In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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