I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
