I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
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