His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Randomize
