I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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