What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
We named our party play list daddy issues
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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