Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
