i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
