Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Randomize
