You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
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