half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
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