hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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