I think im going to throw up on grandma
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
