batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
I could have mohawked her pubes.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
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