I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
