We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
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