I cannot find my penis.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Randomize
