TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize