I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
