ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Randomize
