i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Randomize
