mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Randomize
