looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
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