Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
