it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
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