Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Randomize
