Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
