My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
