Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Randomize
