literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Randomize