i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
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