There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Randomize