i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
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