Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
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