dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
