Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
