Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
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