Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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