I think my fart just growled at me.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Randomize
