there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
