i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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