That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
