ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
