You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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