he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Randomize
