i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
