fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
