he shaved USA in his pubs
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
