So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
