you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
