my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize
