do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
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