I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
