I just pynch a tree in the face
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Randomize
