EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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