I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Randomize
