Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
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