hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
