went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
