Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
He felt like a one man threesome
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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