I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
