just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
