honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
