i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
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