We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
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