what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Randomize
