think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
