you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
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