I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
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