Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
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