Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
