I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
