Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Randomize
