never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
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