I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
i used baking grease as lip gloss
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
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