perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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