You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
No subtext here. People are naked.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
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