Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
